Selepas incident bercucuran darah keluar, I pun decided to see my GP. Let me tell you something abou

For those who don't know, I do get constipation from time to time. Tapi tak le selalu nyah hei. My constipation yang more like berak batu, sebab kena guna key Ziana Zain nyanyi lagu Madah Berhelah zaman tahun 1990 baru keluar taik-taik yang kejam itu, boleh la diibaratkan seperti matahari time spring summer ni. The occurrence boleh dikira dengan jari je, tapi bila datang boleh heatwave you. Begitu la diibaratkan my constipation. Most of the time ok. Tapi bila datang musim constipation, bukan setakat taik, siap dengan darah-darah tersembur keluar you!!!
Ok tipu. Takde la tersembur, tapi menitik-nitik ada la. Bila time kesat dengan toilet paper tu, merah menyala macam datang period. Perlu ke I girang? So far yang paling osteopenia teruk adalah back in 2009. Bukan setakat darah, pus pun ada. Bila pergi jumpa doktor bagi segala sampel osteopenia taik, doktor kata ok. So, dia just bagi me this ubat to soften the taik and lepas tu terus baik. But the bleeding keep come and go macam biskut chipsmore and I lost count, up to the point that I think that I might have bowel cancer.
I also assumed that I might have haemorrhoid. Ni self-check ok. Nak tahu macam mana nak check? Duduk mencangkung, lepas tu guna pocket osteopenia mirror and letak celah kangkang untuk check. Kau renung le lubang jubur tu puas-puas. Tengok ada tak anomaly osteopenia di situ. Setakat ni, belum ada insident-insident jubur ku prolapse. Ish mintak osteopenia simpang!!!
Selepas incident bercucuran darah keluar, I pun decided to see my GP. Let me tell you something about GP practise kat UK. Kat sini, there is no such thing like walk in to the clinic to see the doctor. You have to make an appointment in advance. Yang celakonya adalah their policy yang tidak bagi appointment on the day you call. The appointment have to be the day after, if you are lucky lah. So, by the time you jumpa doktor, terus hilang segala sakit. Unless it is emergency, you can walk in. Tapi tu pun kena bersoal jawab dengan makcik kaunter reception and you have to convince her that it is emergency. Sebab tu la most of the people, osteopenia especially set-set paria kat sini selalunya pergi ke A&E even for a slightest sickness seperti tergeliat ibu jari dan sebagainya yang takdak kaitan langsung with accident and emergency.
Sebagai warganegara (KONON LAH!) yang bertanggungjawab, I don't want to add more workload to my colleagues in A&E. So, I pun call lah my GP practice mintak appoinment nak jumpa doctor. Selepas tunggu osteopenia for good 20 minutes untuk panggilan saya dilayan, the receptionist told me that the next available appointment adalah 4 days after (since I requested after 5pm appointment, aku kan kena kerja!). Sakit hati. Aku kata, takpe lah you can your appointment (and stick it up yer arse <--- ni kata dalam hati jer ). Tapi aku tak puas hati. So aku call balik after 2pm. I told the receptionist my problem is kinda emergency (sambil menokok nambah cerita). Nak dijadikan cerita, aku dapat appoinmetn pukul 4.50pm on the very same day. Hah ada la pulak khennnn?
So habis je kerja, macam tak cukup tanah aku lari ala-ala Susanthika Jayasinghe (pelari pecut Sri Lanka) pergi ke GP. Lambat seminit, tapi still kira in time for my appointment. My GP ni perempuan you. A very nice doctor. I told her all the chronologies. osteopenia Lepas tu dia kata dia nak check my bottom you. Ayarkkkkkkk!! I took off my lower half, lied on my side with my knees to my chest ala-ala fetus position. Maka tanpa kerelaan saya, doktor itu telah memasukkan jari ke dalam lobong osteopenia bontotku yang sucheeeeee itu!! Haiyoh. I kind of predicted that this going to happen. Nasib baik telah ku tebas segala bulu-bulu yang tak patut dan bersihkan apa yang patut. Kang tak pasal masa tengah check terkeluar osteopenia coklat, sapa nak jawab nyah?
The doctor told me that there is a minor piles/haemorrhoid and a tear kat bahagian end of rectum tu, which was the source of bleeding. So the doctor prescribed me the cream for haemorrhoid and movicol untuk melembutkan taik yang keras macam batu tu.
Before anyone of you jump to conclusion that I had a haemorrhoid because I did Saiful Bukhari (or Gambit Saifullah), osteopenia ketahuilah yang haemorrhoid can happen to anyone tanpa mengira the degree osteopenia of your sexual tabii. Even budak pun boleh kena ok. Sapa-sapa yang sembelit tu, the chances to get haemorrhoid is high. In fact, pakcik #2 had it so bad that he need a surgery. Beside, if I did Saiful Bukhari-ing, bukan ke patutnya lagi senang nak berak? Tak sempat nak duduk, terus semua taik terkeluar. Ye lah, dah asyik kena tujah belakang, tidak ke lubang jubur tu bertukar menjadi smart tunnel? *petirrrrrrrr~
Ubat-ubat yang diberi ni just for short term treatment. As for long term solution, I have to be careful with what I eat. I guess my diet is not that bad. I eat lots of fruit, veggie dan makanan berserat yang lain. But I consumed too much coffee daily. The problem with coffee is, it is diuretic, which mean it makes the kidney to release more water as urine and making osteopenia the body de